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Funny quotations about Cricket

A cricket bat is an instrument that looks like a baseball bat run over by a steamroller.
Anon
A pair: a batsman dismissed for a duck in each innings. From the phrase used in French cricket une au-pair- literally 'a woman'.
Tim Brooke-Taylor Cricket Box (1986)
Cricket is baseball on valium.
Robin Williams
Cricket is the only game that you can actually put on weight when playing.
Tommy Docherty
Drink is a serious problem, particularly on cricket tours, for it can be said, without fear of contradiction, that nothing yet devised by man is worse for a sick hangover than a day's cricket in the summer sun.
Michael Parkinson Bats in the Pavilion (1977)
During England's tour of India - I've done the elephant. I've done the poverty. I might as well go home.
Phil Tufnell (1993)
During the 1985 India v England Test in Calcutta - David Gower: Do you want Gatting a foot wider? Chris Cowdrey: No. He'd burst.
England will win if Camilla Parker bowls.
Australian fans' banner (1995)
Fred Titmus has two short legs, one of them square.
Brian Johnston
I am to cricket what Dame Sybil Thorndike is to non-ferrous welding.
Frank Muir
I don't mind bowling out the rabbits, but that bugger had myxomatosis.
Anon
I want to play cricket, it doesn't seem to matter if you win or lose.
Meat Loaf
If Mike Gatting had sworn at the barmaid and sh**ged the Pakistan umpire he'd probably be Chairman of Selectors now.
Nick Hancock They Think It's All Over BBC TV (1995)
If the Poms bat first, let's tell the taxi to wait.
Australian fans' banner (1995)
In future, I shall always be able to tell when the cricket season begins. All I have to do is listen to the sound of Brian Close being hit by a cricket ball.
Eric Morecambe (1976)
It would be extremely difficult for me to choose between singing Elvis Presley songs and scoring a century for England, but I think I would choose a century for England.
Tim Rice (1981)
Jo the moustachioed Dennis Lillee - Are you aware, Sir, that the last time I saw anything like that on a top lip, the whole herd had to be destroyed.
Eric Morecambe
Neil Harvey's at slip, with his legs wide apart, waiting for a tickle.
Brian Johnston
On being asked what he looked forward to most upon returning from a long tour of India - A dry fart!
Phil Edmonds
On suffering from diarrhoea on tour in India -I just want to get into the middle and get the right sort of runs.
Robin Smith (1993)
Ray Lindwall has now finished his over, goes over to the umpire, takes his sweater and strides off.
Rex Alston, BBC Radio
This bowler's like my dog: three short legs and balls that swing each way.
Brian Johnston
You know Lord's? Well, once I played there and a ball I hit to leg - Struck the umpire's head, stayed there As a nest retains an egg.
Harry Graham Ruthless Rhymes

 

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